Date: 08/02/2026
Time: 8:48a EDT
Entry: Yesterday Magnolia and I got to sleep in together for the first time since we left Texas. Almost a year it feels like. Whether it's been work or hobbies, or family something has gotten us out of bed together or separately at the crack of down for what seems like forever. I stared at her as I would go in and out of sleep and was grateful at the time we are getting to just rest together, to not care at the time. We spent the whole day like that. Going to the farmers market for the first time in a long time, parallel playing, going to the library and renting Sinners on DVD, smoking weed, making dinner, going for a walk. Just a good fucking day.
Today, I am pittering around, Magnolia has gone to work, and I am spending some time online. Watching the latest Olurinatti video essay about the cult of the iPhone. Now I've had the same iPhone SE since 2020 and I don't think I'll be getting a new one anytime soon. Everyday I am pushing off the latest update. But even so. The video made me think a lot of the ubiquity and seemlessness of the apple universe. I have a macbook, which, make the conveniences of having apple products even more seemless. Though because I don't use icloud to back up my stuff, my devices don't really connect like that. the only thing that stays consistent on my devices because of apple seemlessness are my imessages. BUT i already have a phone. Olu makes a great point that the iPhone has removed the need for specialized devices. Why do I need to get text messages and facetimes on my laptop. I hate when phone messages interrupt what I am doing on my laptop, especially if I have left my phone in another room on purpose. But I have been convinced that this is a part of the convenience of apple products, no matter what you are doing, you can always be "connected".
I am always threatening to get a a dumbphone, but this video made me reflect on the fact that I don't actually hate my phone, if I could keep this phone forever I would, it does what I need it to do. I may not like how I use my time with it all the time, but that's not a fault of the phone. It's that my other devices are also an iPhone. My laptop is an Iphone, my tablet is an iphone. I've given my power of choice to apple in order to make sure that no matter what electronic device I am using, I can be using my iphone! I already have one! I actually don't care that all these devices are "connected". Now I am not one to go out and get new devices, they work perfectly well, they are all less than 10 years old, and replacing them with their newer counterparts is way out of my price range (I really miss being a student with access to grants and stuff) But if I were too, I know I don't want another iphone. Again, I am coming to the conclusion that it's not the devices themselves, it's how were convinced, almost coerced into using them. Using my iphone is a dumbphone, because I am using it stupidly, for things it can do, but not for things I could be using it for. It is not just a place for text messages and apps to waste time on, it is a super computer, I can use to contact anyone I want, and learn almost anything I want to (it's not even a place for emails, but I can use it for emails even if it honestly isn't the best at that). My laptop doesn't need to be a phone, it doesn't need to have access to anything on my phone if I don't want it. It has quadruple the computing power, and increasingly endless uses, I just need to use them. In fact my laptop should be empowering my phone, not the other way around. ANYWAY.
Date: 07/19/2026
Time: 2:25a EDT
Entry: I mended some clothes today that have been on my list. A conversation I had with a friend this week inspired me to pull out my sewing machine and it helped me take-in some shorts I had been meaning to. They we're very cute, light green, checkered, shorts that I got last year and haven't been able to wear them. I mended them in like 20 minutes, how funny.
I am really hoping my elbow gets better soon. I fear the pain isn't sustainable, but I feel I am doing everything in my power to heal without literally not working for 2 weeks. I should go back to the acupuncturists one last time, he was helping me a lot, but I was so eager to be better I think I jumped the gun. Let's hope I am better by next week. I gotta get back on the mulch wagon.
Date: 07/15/2026
Time: 9:15p EDT
Entry: Okay, I want to stay up later and work more on my site, but alas, I need to be up at 5 for work at 6. My wife just recently defended her PhD and we're still riding that high. So full off of friends and love and all that stuff, with some celebrations still to come. It's so interesting how quickly you can go from "damn how am I going to get out of this town", to, d"amn this is really my life, I really changed my life for the better fuck yeah".
I am enjoying the summer, even the heat. I feel like I am really having some summer fun this year. Trying to go to the beach as often as I can, eating ice cream, hanging out with friends. attempting to get a bunch of tired adults out to do karaoke week after week (no success yet but I'll let you know).
getting back to this site has really tied me over as magnolia (my wife) finished writing, and as I took a break from community theatre. I have an audition next week and mag and I have more time to hang out. I am going to make it a point to keep updating regularly because I have been really enjoying myself and I want to keep connecting with folks in the space. I'll keep coming back if you do.
Date: 06/28/2026
Time: 5:15p EDT
Entry: The last 24 hours has actually been so fun, and even in this short time, really feel like I am reclaiming my time on the internet. Once I got out of my own head about looking at other sites, and sweating over my self perceived lack of skill, I am reminding myself at my medium age that all hobbies are muscles, and a part of the creation process is challenge and struggle. I am familiar with this, I engage in lots of art, and the making of it. But something about putting a little html together kept tugging at my self-esteem, and I think I know why, but it's an old hurt. and I can feel it loosening it's grip from my self image. I look forward to continuing to add to this as I have over the years, and it growing with me. I am looking forward to having fun online again, and sharing a bit of myself with the world.
Date: 06/27/2026
Time: 11:56a EDT
Entry: So I was watching this izzyzz (?) video about the geocities archive, which I have been meaning to explore more on my own, but even that video made me less scared to just keep fucking around on this. It actually doesn't have to be good. I can just post about shit I am doing. which fucking duh, but idk. I used to keep a blog on blogspot back in the day
[side note: I just took a second to look up my old blogspots and they were from middle school, jesus christ. I can't even delete them because I don't have access to those emails anymore. I am cringing at the idea that I was some 12 year old posting about shit that doesn't matter, so cryptically, but with the gravity only a 12 year old can have about how stressful getting bad grades is. But I am also jealous in a way of the lack of inhibition. Lack of irony. I legitimately posted "i thought so chica. raawr. lol nahh. well it is pretty smexxi." 2011 is so alive and well on the internet we just have to look for it
Maybe I shouldn't be jealous of how I used to keep such a consistent blog when I was in middle school. What I am getting at is people are and have been creating stuff just because they like it, just because they want a place to be on the internet. I did have one insightful thought as a teenager, and that was that other places online felt too public to be yourself. I still think that's true. and that sentiment was why I wanted to make a neocities to begin with. Like decorating my room and putting all the stuff I like in here, whether or not it's to other peoples tastes.
Date: 02/23/2026
Time: 8:00p EST
Entry: I am married now. I moved back across the country to a new state. I am still knitting, and still doing theatre (currently playing Schroeder in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown), still working in the same field. I guess it doesn't feel like my whole life anymore, but I have been reflecting recently on how much diving head first was absolutely necessary. My career is not my identity but it needed to be for awhile. I am farmer btw, I work a very specific trade, and when I started this site I was 2 years into it.
Gosh it was so wild to see that my last edit was over a year ago, because it doesn't feel like it! In my mind I am always making little edits to this. I think I am interested in the creeping progress of it all. As much as I wish I was a coding dynamo, I am simply just a woman who has a lingering interest in having a diy internet presence.
yeah check back with me if anyone is checking in on this at all. or if you are just passing by. where am I in this journey now? was this my last entry or the first of many? What else happened to me? did you ever find out? Was it interesting? or was it just marriage and work and editing this webbed site for the rest of it. I guess I'd have to be a little more forth coming on this this site for you to know. maybe I will be...probably not, though.
Date: 11/29/2024
Time: 10:08p CST
Entry: so much has changed since I made that last entry. so much time has passed. i want to tell myself "yes!!! things can be both!!" you can be about so much. coming back and revisiting this project is that. teaching myself how to knit has been that. getting into the theatre again has been that. moving across the country has been that. feeling completely destroyed by and simultaneously in love with all my decisions that have brought me here so far. no clue what to do next. crushed and elated with the possibilities geeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz. gegegeaskdfj asdklfa;sfhprwnskdfns; wdka;skdlfnreka feeling embarassed by this blog post already. [save post]
Date: 06/29/2023
Time: 3:48a CST
Entry: my friend recently reposted one of those artsy instagram posts that say one impactful thing. you know the ones. they say one powerful yet, seemingly simple statements that are supposed to make you think, or take a breath or something. this one said "your career is not your identity.". and like many of them it's been weighing on me. it's comforting to know i am not the only one that struggles with this specific phenomenon. it's becoming embarrassing to not know how to talk about myself outside of how i labor for others. a part of this, i think, is because i've convinced myself that i want to make my life my work. do i even know how to talk about myself, or feel proud of myself outside of what my profession is? i won't talk about my work here, though i am very passionate about it. what i do everyday for money is not exactly why i got into my line of work anyway, so it feels so out of body to describe myself in ways i am actively trying to shift in my life. always struggling between, "be this, who you are, right now, and don't fixate on what you want to be doing" and "is this even who i want to be". in this current epidemic of black and white thinking i am often rallying on team "THINGS CAN BE BOTH!". -to be continued...